Kimm and I got into a fight last night. It was over something so ridiculously stupid that I just wanted to scream about the insanity of it all as we were fighting. But instead I internalized it all, felt mad and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed.
And it made me want to eat.
Crazy how feeling so emotionally out of whack makes me always turn to food.
Thankfully I was able to resist THIS TIME.
I drove to work and as I kept thinking about the argument over and over, those intense emotions dulled until they became a background noise.
Then I got to work and just immediately was pulled into work stuff.
There was no time to eat.
But I could have.
I could have taken peanut butter from one of the units.
Or ate all the food in my bag.
But I didn’t and I’m so glad.
I still feel sad. I still feel a bit frustrated with our relationship.
But I have to realize that food will not make it all better.
I need to confront those feelings, or bury them and deal with them later.
No matter what I do, I don’t want to turn to food to be the solution.
Because it really is only a solution at that exact moment and as my stomach stretches, feels full and eventually refuses any more food, that’s when the guilt begins and I am left with the consequences…a body full of excess calories that just becomes fat.
I’m worth more than the horrible feelings I have after a binge.
I WILL make it work this time.