A hidden binge

Thursday

I am SO MAD at myself.  Yesterday while Kimm was in the shower I ate almost a whole bag of peanut butter chips.  I don’t even know what made me do it.  I just wanted something sweet and I wanted it then and when I was eating them I wasn’t even really thinking, I was just eating.

And initially they tasted great.  It was a sweet explosion in my mouth.  But then after eating them for a while, scarfing them down, that sensation went away, replaced with a stomachache and a heartache and anger at myself.

At the end all I could remember was how much I hate it when I do something like that.  How much I hate me…how weak I am…how I feel like I’ll NEVER lose the weight.  How helpless and hopeless it all feels.

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